he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
