i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
