I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
