which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
