hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
