they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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