Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
