my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
