bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
