I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
