I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
