There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
