A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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