she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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