it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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