Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
