I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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