I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
