Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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