Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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