I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
