you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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