Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We got so high we made milksteak
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
