Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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