Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
