Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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