I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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