ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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