In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
