Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
