mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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