No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
