im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Someone signed my nipple.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
