Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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