just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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