Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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