I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
