I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
