There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
