were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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