Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
