I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
