My first STD was from a foam party
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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