I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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