no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
