I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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