maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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