Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
