thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
