I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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