And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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