Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
