hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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