my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
