Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize