That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
