I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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