Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
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you had me at cake vodka
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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