Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
