so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
NoShamevember. You game?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
