I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
