If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
