Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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