If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
